In addition to the angry 3-legged mouse, who hasn't been seen since Sunday night, I've managed to completely honk off Jamie.
It's not my fault.
Jamie spent most of last week throwing up, which earned him a trip to the vet yesterday. Of course, the minute I made the appointment, he quit throwing up. Go figure.
We kept the appointment anyway. After 45 minutes and $130 worth of blood work, the vet said he was totally normal, or as normal as Jamie ever gets. His temp was normal, there was no swelling, hardness, tenderness or pain in his abdomen, no diarrhea, normal stools, no parasites and his blood work was all totally within normal ranges except for his white cell count which was abnormally low but has been all his life.
She sent me home with some Pepcid and instructions to give him one 30 minutes before each meal. He may have some doggie version of acid reflux or it may just have been a weird thing that will go away on its own. If it doesn't, well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Things went well last night: pill, wait 30 minutes, supper. Evening meals at our house are a hit and miss affair, one never really knows when they will be served so the dogs have no great expectations.
This morning was another story.
Our morning routine is much more formulated: up at 5:30, dogs outside, dogs back in, dogs eat breakfast, bring me their bowls and I get on my treadmill for 30 minutes of bonding with the early news.
This morning, we got up at 5:30, dogs went out, dogs came in, Jamie got his Pepcid and I got on the treadmill.
Jamie: Hey, lady, what about my breakfast?
Me, firing up the treadmill: You have to wait.
Jamie: Starving. Can't wait.
Me: You can wait 30 minutes.
Jamie: Want breakfast NOW!
Me: Sorry. That's life. Deal.
Jamie: I'm going to eat a sock.
Phoenix: I'll get you one!
Me: You are such a drama king.
Jamie: You hate me.
Me: I do NOT hate you. Let the medicine work.
Phoenix: Here's a sock!
Me: Put that down!
Jamie: I will eat this sock. You'll be sorry.
Me: For the love of pete. Where did you get that sock?
Phoenix: Laundry hamper's open. There's more. I will get more.
Jamie: This sock stinks. You hate me. You won't feed me.
Me: I will feed you when I'm done walking.
Jamie: Walk faster.
Phoenix: Here's another sock, two gloves and some underwear.
Me: WTF?
Phoenix: You LIKE it when I bring you things. I can tell. I will bring more.
Jamie: I will sit here and stare at you with the Evil Belgian Eye of Doom until you get off that walky thing and get my breakfast. See? I am staring.
Me: You are both insane.
Jamie: Old Belgian mind trick. Get. Off. The. Treadmill. Feed. Me. Now.
Phoenix: Here's another sock, one house slipper, yesteday's paper and a TV remote.
Me: Oh dear Lord. I still have 15 minutes to go.
Jamie: Staring. Staring. Staring. Look at me. I am pathetic.
Me: Yes. You are.
Phoenix: Here's an LL Bean catalog, three socks, a bra and some long underwear.
Me: I bet other people's dogs don't do this.
Jamie: I bet other people don't starve their dogs.
Me: I am NOT starving you!
Jamie: I don't see YOU missing any meals.
Me: You are not missing a meal. It's just delayed.
Jamie: I want to talk to the manager. This place has lousy service.
Phoenix: Here's a boot, an Iowa Farmer Today, the towel off the stove and your weather radio.
Me: Seriously. Other people have NORMAL dogs.
Jamie: Dr. Walker says I'm normal. I heard her.
Me: Dr. Walker doesn't live with you.
Phoenix: Here's a bath towel, two coasters, a mouse pad, a bottle of honey and an ink pen.
Treadmill: BEEP!
Me: TG
Jamie: I'll be in the kitchen, hurry!
Phoenix: Wow. Sure is a mess in here. Just sayin'.
Okay that made my morning - thank you! Your dogs are normal, we just all have a different set of "normal" with our dogs!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the grins and giggles on this wet and windy PA day!
ReplyDeleteI'm still laughing as I leave this comment because I know none of it was made up!
Thanks for the morning laugh!!! I can just picture Jamie doing Sit-n-Stare. :)
ReplyDeleteI love it! All you need to complete the picture are two cats screaming "NOW!" over and over and over again. I keep waiting for them to learn some more words, but "now" seems to be it in the vocab department. Of course, if you have a Berner to go with your Belgian then you get declarations of adoration that get more and more over the top the closer you get to dinner time. "Did I mention how much I looooove you?" (wag,wag, nudge, nudge) "Why yes, you did. Repeatedly."
ReplyDeleteRarely do I read something of a blog that causes me to pee on myself. My dogs came to see what I was laughing so hard about. The puppy brought me a snow boot which made me laugh even harder.
ReplyDeleteVery funny and how true! lol
ReplyDeleteVery, very funny! Coach has no mind melding stare - he uses the paint peeling shriek. Jazz can mind meld with the best of them, but rarely wants anything badly enough. (Except of course - get me out of this crate and off of the !@#$#$ leash.) Thanks for the laugh.
ReplyDeleteLove it!
ReplyDeleteOh that was too much. Poor dogs all starving to death. hehehe.
ReplyDeleteSlobbers,
Mango
That was hilarious!
ReplyDelete