Thursday, August 19, 2010

We've all been here

GUY WARNING - this is a very girly post. Proceed at your own risk. (Actually I don't know if there are any/many guys who read this but it doesn’t hurt to be safe.)

There are a few things in life that I absolutely hate. Going to the dentist is #1. Going to the gynecologist is #2. Getting a mammogram is #3. Buying bras is #4. Since insurance covers Numbers 1 through 3, at least I don’t have to pay out of pocket as well as enduring the annoyance of it all. But Number 4 means annoyance with a price.

If you haven’t bought a bra lately (or, if you are of the male persuasion and have never bought a bra - and if you have bought one, I don’t want to hear about it) let me assure you they are not cheap. I’m not talking about anything fancy, just your garden variety boob-holders. Starting price, $20 minimum. And that’s just the basics at the local outlet mall. If you shop in a department store, $30 or more isn’t unrealistic for a single bra. Or you can go to Wal-mart and get a three-pack of cotton cheapies for about $11. Which I have been known to do from time to time. Not being . . . um . . . heavily endowed . . . has its advantages.

I could buy a lot of things for $30: a partial tank of gas, one day’s entries at an obedience or agility trial (well, almost), a pair of jeans, dinner for me and the Farmer at our favorite steakhouse, a fun new sweatshirt . . . need I go on? Spending $30 for something that essentially no one will ever see is just wrong.

So it was with a great deal of dismay I realized after doing a load of laundry recently that the much-dreaded need-to-go-bra-shopping day was upon me. My current collection looked like it had been chewed on by a pack of rabid badgers. Or a malinois. I think they're about the same thing. Let’s just say it was time for some new ones.

It seems to be my luck that when I find a style that fits well and is comfortable, the manufacturer immediately discontinues it. This phenomenon is not limited to women’s undergarments. It also applies to lip balm, cake mix and mini vans. Seems like the simple fact of me liking something probably means it won’t be around much longer. It’s a wonder I still have friends.

First, I decided to get a couple of new sports bras for agility class nights and trial weekends. I like sports bras because you never find yourself at the pause table, fumbling for a strap that is somewhere it shouldn’t be and praying the judge counts slower because he’s already on “. . . and two and . . .” while your right hand is buried up to the elbow of your left sleeve, trying to haul that damned strap back into place.

I wanted something that was not cotton. Cotton is great but when you get sweaty, you stay sweaty with cotton as a base layer. So I ordered a couple sports bras from one of my favorite on-line clothing sources. They were even sort of fancy-schmancy ones, with moisture-wicking fabric and all that good stuff. When they were delivered, I immediately had to try them on. The dogs watched. I know, that’s weird but I think it was their entertainment for the day.

The first bra was apparently made from recycled steel-belted radials. I couldn’t even get it over my head. Seriously. And I’m pretty sure it was the right size. I had it around my neck and one arm and I was stuck. That baby wasn’t going anywhere. I think the canvas tarp that goes over our grain truck would have been more pliable.

Apparently, just putting that thing on would meet my exercise goal for the day. If I ever got it completely on, the Farmer would have had to use a crow bar to help me take it off. After some reverse contortions (the dogs were rolling around on the bed, wagging their tails with laughter), I finally got the thing off. I was sweaty and think I’d pulled a muscle.

The second one went on easier but gave me the dreaded uni-boob. The girls aren’t enormous, heck they aren’t even large, but I would prefer them to look like two individuals and not one squished together lump. That bra went back, too. The dogs were still laughing.

I went to the bra shop at the local outlet mall on my way home from work yesterday. Nothing fit. Ugh. I wonder if there is a certain time of the day that is best for bra shopping? They say you should try on shoes at the end of the day because your feet swell and might actually be bigger at 6 p.m. then they were at 6 a.m. I’m pretty sure the girls are the same size all day long.

So I’m back to square one. Guess I’ll stick with what I’ve got for now or at least until they fall apart in the washer or Phoenix steals them out of the laundry basket one too many times.

14 comments:

  1. Total and complete agreement here. That scene has played out at my house as well and I don't know any sane woman that LIKES bra shopping. ICK!

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  2. I totally feel your pain. And the thing about manufacturers discontinuing an item after you've decided it's your favorite?? Add cosmetics to that list too, particularly mascara! I swear to god I try out a different mascara every 2-3 months and not because I want to, but because my current fav-of-the-month has been shit-canned by the company.

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  3. Hate that shopping experience, what a waste of time and money. Ditto on the sports bras! After feeling one shoulder strap slip down completely during a heeling pattern and after the command "right turn, fast" towards the gallery, (in a white shirt no less) and then feeling the other strap head south, I decided no more "normal" ones for dog shows. And speaking of dog ravaged ones, you haven't lived until you round a corner and see two Poms enjoying a rousing game of tug with your last good one!

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  4. LOL - I am avoiding "the trip" with every ounce of my being. My bras are falling apart at the seams (literally) and every trip though the washer is a dance with disaster. Maybe we should all form some sort of support (pun intended!!)group.

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  5. Yeah, I can relate. Mine are 'falling apart at the seams' too, because I can't find anything I like as well as the style that was discontinued ten years ago! Just hope I'm not in an accident and my raggedy under garments are exposed :)

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  6. I also can relate. They're just wayyyy too expensive.

    Unfortunately (well, sometimes) I'm more endowed so Walmart's low prices don't help so much.

    I kind of gave up on sports bras, too. They don't really stop the jiggling. Now they just keep it at eye level.

    Thanks so much for the blog award - totally made our day!!

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  7. DITTO!!!! Apparently they feel the need to offer 'new and improved', when the 'old' models were just fine! Kind of like messing with perfect good 'classic soda'!! Why do you need a bunch of different flavors of Mt. Dew, when you can't beat the original??

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  8. "steel-belted radials" LMAO!!!

    Oy I DESPISE bra shopping and I am desperate need of some new ones. I've been putting it off because I hate it so much. And I can't help but think "but I could be spending this money on x,y,z!!!".

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  9. hiya :)
    I found you through Layla the Malamute's blog and when I heard you had a Tervuren I got so excited I had to come here!
    See, Tervurens are my favourite shepherds ever!
    And I also saw you have a sheltie so ... :)
    We'll be following you! Nice to meet you!

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  10. I've had the same conversation with my Terv pal in MN and my Sibe pal in IA -

    Once has to be in the proper frame of mind to even attempt bra shopping - I once passed up a 30% Kohls coupon because I was not in a place to do it -

    I am another not able to go the inexpensive route - so it is quite an investment to start -

    I also have some that are well well well beyond being kept but I have - just to get one more wear from 'em for 'em ;-)

    Loved the post!

    Actually, been loving and sharing your Iowa is the new hell or is it tropics posts!

    One day, I will have a Terv to complement my Sibe!

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  11. Oh thank you! After putting up with The Dead Thing in the wall all day I needed a good laugh. Just watch out for the front clip bras. I had one pop open just as I sat down at an important round table meeting. Not a cover-up in sight. The girls spent the whole meeting slowly slipping apart. Horrible feeling.

    Great post!

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  12. I found a pretty nice pull-over style sports bra at Target in the workout clothes section, one I can get on & off without feeling like I'm escaping from a straight jacket. And Title 9 Sports (www.titlenine.com) has a great selection, I especially like their 'Our Own Lace Underwire' bra, because it looks like a normal one, but holds like a champion. There are just some occasions when 'you go girls!' is not what we want to hear!

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  13. I thought I was the only one whose particular style/brand was discontinued. Heck, maybe we all wear the same brand. Sounds like a shopping trip is in order.

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  14. That was a wonderful post! I guess I don't suffer alone! I personally go uni-boob during agility. I didn't know there was any other kind of sports bra. I do prefer cotton, though. For regular every day I actually order online! I've gotten some comfy ones from playtex and haynes and even if I have to send them back at least I buy them because I don't think I'll ever be able to screw up the patience to go to the store again. Seems like if you don't want underwire you are SOL.

    Mango Momma

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