Monday, October 5, 2009

Conversation with a malinois

Here's the scene: I’m sitting at the kitchen table, filling out obedience trial entries. Phoenix trots into the room, puts his front feet in my lap and stares me in the face.

Phoenix: You are a liar.

Me: What?

Phoenix: You lie.

Me: What are you talking about?

Phoenix: I saw the entry form for the QCDOC trials. You entered us in Novice. You said we were DONE with Novice after the Five Seasons shows.

Me: Oh . . . umm . . . ooops.

Phoenix: See. Liar.

Me: I am not a liar.

Phoenix: Are too.

Me: Am not!

Phoenix: Are too!

Me: Am —Oh for heaven’s sake. I am NOT arguing with you about this. I’m the superior species here, opposable thumbs and all that. If I want to change my mind and show in Novice again, I can.

Phoenix: I want to do Open.

Me: You're not ready to do Open.

Phoenix: Am too.

Me: Are not - oh stop it!

Phoenix: I can do everything in Open.

Me: You can’t be still for three and five minutes.

Phoenix: Being still is overrated.

Me: AKC obedience regulations don’t think so.

Phoenix: Obedience regulations are overrated. I will chew them up.

Me, sighing: If only it were that easy . . .

Phoenix: Why can’t we do that Graduate Novice class instead?

Me: We can’t. You have your title. The AKC says we can’t show in it anymore.

Phoenix: AKC bites.

Me: You may have a point. But humor me. One more weekend in Novice, okay?

Phoenix: Then Open?

Me: Yes. Then Open. In the spring. After we work on being still all winter.

Phoenix: Boring. Don't wanna.

Me: Deal with it.

Phoenix: What’s in it for me?

Me: Lots of good things.

Phoenix: Cookies?

Me: Yes.

Phoenix: Toys?

Me: Yes.

Phoenix: Can I have a cat?

Me: No!

Phoenix: Get rid of the sit-box?

Me: No. Sorry.

Phoenix: I will bite the sit-box.

Me: Go right ahead.

Phoenix, launching at my face, licking madly: Here! I will give you kisses instead! I will kiss you now! I will bite your nose because I love you! And you will forget about stupid boring sits!

Me: Ack! Help! Pppphhhhbbbbbttt!

Stay tuned for Act II: working stays in the hay barn. Here, kitty, kitty, kitty . . .


  1. Love it! We've been working on using kitties in the house as distractions for Taz the Terv. Any time he loses focus to follow the cat then cookies go to the retired Berner. Good news -- focus is gradually improving. Bad news -- Berner starts carrying on like a lunatic when I start working the Terv. "Bring on the cookies!"

  2. LMAO... Deep conversations with Fawnicks!!

  3. hilarious. Legend had to take a hiatus from novice because we kept getting excused for leash tugging and getting zoomies!

  4. Very funny. But I bet I'm not the only one who is picturing this conversation taking place. Did you ever have to have these talks with Jamie or Connor? Does Phoenix know he is NOT going to win this one? What a good boy to already know those stays are overrated! I do think he needs a kitty.

  5. omg I'm sitting here CRYING knowing his FOLKS and his bros and sis, I can SEE him so clearly. LOL that is TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Funny, give him a hug and a tug. GOOD boy Nix!
    btw - Promise now has 3 kittens and she loves to organize them they are her subsitute puppies!
    I think the boy should have his own kitty