Say what?

I have lost my voice.

This is what I hope is the final stage of an attack on my respiratory system that has plagued me since last week. It started as the sniffles, then a full-blown runny nose (the "doG, where does all this crap come from" kind). Then the sore throat and sneezing started, accompanied by the "I'm cold and I want to sleep forever" stage, followed by the cough. 

Somewhere between the sneezing and the coughing, I lost my voice. Guess I was making enough noise without talking.

I didn't lose it entirely. Nope, I sound like Gretchen Wilson, you know, that rough whiskey and cigarettes honky-tonk lounge singer's voice? Well, actually, I make Gretchen Wilson sound like Julie Andrews.

I'm 45 years old and I've never actually lost my voice. This is a first.

I don't feel sick, aside from hacking up truly disgusting stuff and what occasionally might be part of a lung. And from being so freaking tired all I want to do is curl up with my pillow and shut out the world. And drink cough medicine. Did I mention the cough?

Anyway, it's very weird to open my mouth and go through the motions of speaking and have sounds come out that make it sound like I swallowed a vinyl squeaky toy.

Seriously. I squeak. And croak.

The dogs are fascinated. Phoenix comes running, tail up, ears up, when I call him back to the house. It's the best damned recalls he's ever give me. He can't wait to hear what I'm going to say next. Honestly, I'm going to have to try this tone of voice in the ring, but short of developing a serious whiskey and cigarette habit, not sure I can replicate it.

I left work early today and don't plan on going in tomorrow. It's really hard to communicate with people when you sound like a cell phone with bad reception. Maybe every third word is audible. I got through most of today with a combination of arm gestures and e-mail. E-mailing someone who sits 5 feet away is really stupid but sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

I've gotten a lot of advice: warm drinks, lots of liquids, don't try to talk, etc. So tomorrow I'll take a vow of silence and, well, yeah, we'll see how that goes.