Monday, May 2, 2011

Say what?

I have lost my voice.

This is what I hope is the final stage of an attack on my respiratory system that has plagued me since last week. It started as the sniffles, then a full-blown runny nose (the "doG, where does all this crap come from" kind). Then the sore throat and sneezing started, accompanied by the "I'm cold and I want to sleep forever" stage, followed by the cough. 

Somewhere between the sneezing and the coughing, I lost my voice. Guess I was making enough noise without talking.

I didn't lose it entirely. Nope, I sound like Gretchen Wilson, you know, that rough whiskey and cigarettes honky-tonk lounge singer's voice? Well, actually, I make Gretchen Wilson sound like Julie Andrews.

I'm 45 years old and I've never actually lost my voice. This is a first.

I don't feel sick, aside from hacking up truly disgusting stuff and what occasionally might be part of a lung. And from being so freaking tired all I want to do is curl up with my pillow and shut out the world. And drink cough medicine. Did I mention the cough?

Anyway, it's very weird to open my mouth and go through the motions of speaking and have sounds come out that make it sound like I swallowed a vinyl squeaky toy.

Seriously. I squeak. And croak.

The dogs are fascinated. Phoenix comes running, tail up, ears up, when I call him back to the house. It's the best damned recalls he's ever give me. He can't wait to hear what I'm going to say next. Honestly, I'm going to have to try this tone of voice in the ring, but short of developing a serious whiskey and cigarette habit, not sure I can replicate it.

I left work early today and don't plan on going in tomorrow. It's really hard to communicate with people when you sound like a cell phone with bad reception. Maybe every third word is audible. I got through most of today with a combination of arm gestures and e-mail. E-mailing someone who sits 5 feet away is really stupid but sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

I've gotten a lot of advice: warm drinks, lots of liquids, don't try to talk, etc. So tomorrow I'll take a vow of silence and, well, yeah, we'll see how that goes.


  1. Orange juice - lots of orange juice. Is the farmer enjoying the quiet??? Really do hope you feel better soon. Take care.

  2. Hot water with lemon juice added, followed by tea with lots and lots of honey (honey soothes the throat).

    Hope your voice comes back soon. Mine is on vacation as well, but its from being at a flyball tournament all weekend, so should be back in a few days.

  3. I have no advice... sorry... none. I sure do hope your voice comes back though!! (especially before class on Thursday)

  4. Uh oh I have a sore throat so I know a cold is on it's way but my club's agility trial is this wknd so I better not get what you have! Hope you feel better soon.

  5. Wowsa, this long on this earth and you've never lost your voice! Hmmmm - you apparently don't talk enough (or yell or something). K-Koira had it spot on. Warm and soothing and REST! Feel better soon.

  6. I lost my voice last month and when I went to the doctor it turned out to be strep throat! So maybe you might want to visit yours?

  7. I’ve tried all sorts of coughing syrups, believe me, but none of them helps. Even though Nin Jiom Pei Pa Koa does not eliminates the cough I like to stick to this chinese syrup I’ve been taking since I was a kid: Nin Jiom Pei Pa Koa. My grandfather is chinese, so I guess my mom got the advice from him. I was really surprised when I found that chinese market selling it here in Belgium. It does have a refreshing, soothing, sweetening effect…as long as it lasts…then back to coughing mode.