Wednesday, December 7, 2011

You might be a dog person if . . .

I love Jeff Foxworthy so in his tradition of "You might be a redneck" lists, here's "You might be a dog person if . . ."

You have to slam the door in at least one furry face if you have the slightest hope of ever going to the bathroom by yourself.

You’ve ever apologized to your dog for slamming the bathroom door in his face.

You really don’t care if you go to the bathroom by yourself or not.

Your dog knows you’ll rub his butt while you’re sitting on the toilet.

You are absolutely not embarrassed to have your dog see you get out of the shower.

Your dog has watched you throw up.

The windows in your house are covered with dog nose goobers from 3 feet down (or from 6 feet down if you own a malinois or a jack russell)

You’ve ever asked your dog, “What should I wear today?” or “Does this look okay?”

You’ve ever put something back in the closet because you thought your dog didn’t like it.

You can sleep through an F5 tornado or a gas line explosion but wake in an instant if you hear the dreaded pre-barfing noise in the middle of the night.

You’ve ever stepped on a Nylabone, barefoot, in the middle of the night, while rushing to let your dog outside because he’s making the pre-barfing noise.

You spend hours pondering the best diet for your performance dog but eat microwave popcorn for your own supper.

You can pick dog hair out of your food without missing a beat but nearly lose your lunch if you find a human hair in your sandwich.

You’ve fed your dog cereal off your spoon, then absent-mindedly gone back to eating cereal with the same spoon.

You realize you’ve fed your dog off your spoon . . . then shrug and keep eating.

You’ve sat at work, crying, because you just got an e-mail that a friend’s dog died.

You donate to OTCh., MACH, PAX, PACH and memorial funds the way some people donate to charities.

You have explained - repeatedly - to family members that no, you cannot attend the birthday party, anniversary party, graduation party, engagement party, confirmation, family dinner for no good reason, Mother’s Day/Father’s Day get-together, wedding, funeral or audience with the Pope because you’re entered in a four-day, out-of-state trial that weekend.

Your cupboards are always well-stocked with salmon oil, Cosequin, Missing Link, Zuke’s treats, Natural Balance rolls, freeze-dried liver and sweet potato chews but you routinely run out of milk, bread and cereal.

You refuse to drive 20 minutes through a blizzard to get to the office but will drive an hour through a blizzard to get to an agility trial.

You’ve ever gone to the emergency room because of a dog-related (but non-dog-bite) accident.

You’ve ever had to explain suspicious bruises to a medical professional and assured them - repeatedly - that you feel safe in your home.

You’ve ever tried to explain an agility trial to a medical professional while trying to have exercise induced asthma diagnosed.

You’ve had a split lip, black eye, broken nose, rope burn or mild concussion caused by a dog belonging to yourself or a friend.

You’ve asked an auto dealer to take the seats out of a van so you could measure for crate space.

You’ve had days where your only goal was to get home from work while there’s enough daylight left so you can see to pick up dog poop in the yard.

36 comments:

  1. Lol, those are great. I've totally had my friends freak out because they thought I was being abused- when what actually happened was my dog stepped on my arm while I was laying on the couch, then slid off slowly, creating an almost perfect hand print shaped bruise, which happened to coincide with getting a puffy lip from the top of the dog's head slamming into my face.

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  2. wow; so many relate to me; love the ones with the dog hair; excuses for not going to events; dirty windows; talk to the dog a lot.

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  3. I would admit to a fair number of those

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  4. Wow! These are so true! That last one hit home for me big time. During winter it can be 3-4 days at a time that stuff just "piles" up in the yard.

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  5. A-MAZ-ING. This is such a great list! I've had a broken finger, mild concussion, and a few lacerations from doggie activities... it always sounds extremely lame to say "Well, my friend's dog decided to spin and run right as i was about to leash him up and my finger got caught in the collar" when asked how one broke one's finger :)

    Such a great list!

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  6. I love these. I'd have to add that I have had some suspicious puncture wounds, from someone missing the toy I was holding and hitting my hand. Whoops.

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  7. Every one of them hit home for me! So, so true :)

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  8. haha love it and so true! I have had co workers ask me why I am always bruised and if I am ok or need to talk. I showed them a video of Sophie tugging and they stopped asking LOL

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  9. Oh dear, this is so me. Most recently, my youngster took me out on the agility course, I dislocated my shoulder, which led to an xray, which led to the discovery of a lung tumor (since successfully removed). Good girl, it might not have been discovered for a long time.

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  10. Every single one except the asthma. Oh my. Well, I am in good company !

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  11. Love these! My emergency room injury was having a friend's dog knock my front teeth out... I was running him because she sprained her ankle earlier that day during a collision with her other dog.

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  12. I just got a lecture about being happy to throw away my kid's stuff but refusing to throw away the dog's stuff - concluding with "You are so f***king weird!" LOL I sent this to my daughter who responded with "This is SOOOOOOOOO true! It's SCARY!"

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  13. I'll be a dog person ANY day of the week,hour, minute OR second (tho' I love my children/grandchildren equally , as well :>) Thank you for sharing this awesome piece ! love, Sam Hill Sammy-Eds ( + 1 Corgi :>)

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  14. My trainer shared this on Facebook. This is a wonderful compilation. Add one more:
    "You have a Lint Brush in your purse, in your car, on your desk, at every imaginable place" :D

    I'm going to share this on Facebook too :)

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  15. That list hits frightening close to home!

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  16. It's kind of everyday life, especially if you own Belgians!

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  17. I so identify with this. It was fun to read as I relived my own such happenings

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  18. Everyone one of these hits home and all of them more than once!

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  19. I have been know to take time off work just to get home in time to pick up poop! You know us all too well, Melinda!

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  20. Hilarious! This inspired me to make my own list: http://squeakolas.blogspot.com/2011/12/you-may-be-dog-person-who-has-kid-when.html

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  21. Oh YES to the furry faces at the bathroom door and the pre-barfing noises. And the concussion, and the non-attendance at family events, and...

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  22. ...if your Aussie takes your place on the sofa before you even know he's there. I like your blog and can relate. I raised and showed Basenjis when the breed was fairly new to the AKC. I won't say how many years ago that was. lol

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  23. How about planning all your vacation days for the year (around dog events, of course) then having a co-worker complain because they *might* have something going on one of those weekends.

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  24. You didn't mention walking in the bitter cold for a half hour with your dog because he/she hadn't done his/her duties and you didn't want to hear the dreaded "elimination" whistle because your #1 dog left a #2 surprise on a contact during the trial, a contact that he/she would not otherwise ever be caught dead touching!

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  25. How about sending this in to Front and Finish? The readers will love it!

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  26. So true! Thanks for reminding me of all the ways I love sharing my life with my dogs!!!

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  27. Oh yeah - this describes my Mom perfectly. Heh, heh, heh........it's good to be a dawg.

    Chester ;0=)

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  28. You’ve ever had to explain suspicious bruises to a medical professional and assured them - repeatedly - that you feel safe in your home.

    Yes, yes I have. I feel totally safe at home. I swear I got this black eye and multiple scratches/bruises from my puppy. YES, Im sure. LOL

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  29. My contribution is bringing a video of an agility run to the orthopedic doctor so he can understand what your hobby is and why your knee is in the condition its in!

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