Dog Days

According to the Old Farmer’s Almanac, we are in the dog days of summer. This is from July 3 to Aug. 11, usually the hottest days of summer and coinciding with the ancient heliacal (sunrise) rising of the Dog Star, Sirius. I know this because Wikipedia says it is so.

Here are 10 fun things to do with your malinois (or whippet or lab or border collie or whatever you have handy) during the dog days of summer.

1) Let him “help” you pick cherry tomatoes. Pick really fast if you want any with your supper. Don’t set your bowl down or he will eat the tomatoes you have already picked. Yet another lesson I have learned the hard way.

2) Encourage him to investigate mole runs in the back yard. Digging permitted. Actually, digging encouraged. $#@!* moles. To date, no moles have been harmed by malinois, the Farmer or the Farmer’s Wife (although not for lack of trying).

3) Let him “help” you water flowers with a garden hose. Occasionally “miss” the flowers and spray him. This offers hours of amusement. Laugh at the look of total disgust on other dogs’ faces while malinois soaks himself from head to tail while voluntarily waterboarding himself with the hose.

4) Play “Take this to your dad.” This can be played with mail, socks or small household objects. Give malinois the object and tell the Farmer to call him. Much family fun and random shredding follows. Playing with food is not recommended. Playing with bank documents isn’t either.

5) Get the Furminator. Put grooming table on patio. Put malinois on table. Furminate to your heart’s content. Remember to warn the Farmer before he walks out of the basement door into a July snowstorm of mal fur.

6) Let dogs rush back into the house after a play session. See how long it takes malinois to leap onto the Farmer’s lap if he is sitting in his recliner. For best results, do this after a flower watering session.

7) Take dogs for a walk (on leash). Go turf-skiing when baby raccoons pop out of the road ditch and run across the road in front of you. Hope neighbors are not watching. Hope pastor (who lives nearby) does not have his windows open.

8) Blow bubbles for dogs to chase. Proceed with caution, as bubble pursuit by malinois involves extreme jaw snapping and maniacal leaping about. Bonus points awarded if you do this while your in-laws drive by, confirming their suspicions that not only in their daughter-in-law insane, so is her little dog, too.

9) Fill baby pool with water straight from the well. Kick off shoes and stand in pool while dogs splash happily around. Stand until feet go numb (about 45 seconds). Go sit on patio and toss balls into the pool for underwater retrieves. Make sure in-laws see you have a baby pool for your dogs. This will remove any doubt they had about your mental status.

10) Pull weeds from flower beds. Place weeds in bucket. Make annoyed noises as malinois does drive-bys, grabbing a mouthful of weeds and flinging them hither and yon. Chewing on pre-pulled weeds are clearly more fun than having to pull your own. Use extra caution when pulling weeds around tomato plants. Sneaky picking of tomatoes by weed-stealing dog may ensue.